Welcome to my first blog post!
I am heartened to share my view on human suffering as the subject of my first blog and although an extensive topic, here I will view on a micro level, as seen through my eyes as a psychotherapist.
I am witness to the deep suffering of individuals; I sit across from people who entrust in me to guide them through their suffering. Interestingly, I am never surprised at the suffering I witness as it is real and profound, based on the unique lived experiences of each person. For this blog, I am not concerned with aligning suffering to mental health disorders as my hope is to convey suffering as a human condition experienced by all.
Validation as a Secret Weapon
Validation of one’s suffering is like salve on a wound. When treating a wound, we must acknowledge the wound exists so we can take proper steps to aid in the healing process. More times than not I hear clients say “So I’m not crazy?”
How can we face suffering if we think it means we are crazy?
Perhaps we are not looking in the right places to understand our feelings, emotions, body sensations and lived experiences; perhaps we are not looking at all.
Avoidance and denial can lead to emotional rigidity but can offer temporary relief from suffering; it can be enticing to avoid discomfort as feeling pain whether emotional or physical is unpleasant.
Feeling is healing and an integral part of a human life without fear of pathologizing.
Showing up for our emotions without judgement is a start in shedding light on our internal landscape.
5 principles for connecting and validating personal suffering:
- Ask yourself “What is the cause of my suffering?”
- Explore the nature of the suffering; example: grief, loneliness, fear, control, trauma
- Identify how you know you are suffering; example: emotional and physical sensations
- Be your own best friend and validate your suffering as you would to a friend
- Write a positive affirmation supporting your courage in addressing your suffering
When we give light and air to our personal suffering, we begin to illuminate the real source of pain rather than taking a victim mentality or telling ourselves we are stressed; accepting the status quo of modern life expectations.
Like removing a bandage to aid in healing a wound; wounds heal more completely when given light and air. Embrace your inner wound and begin the healing process.
An amazing phenomenon exists when a person is allowed the safety to address inner wounds; shame that exists within that person begins to fall away as connecting to one’s self begins to unfold.
When I talk about safety in one’s self I am speaking about the nervous system.
There are many reasons people feel unsafe within themselves; too many to mention and deeply rooted.
Learning emotional steadiness sends a message to our nervous system that we are safe; no need to fight, flight or freeze.
5 principles for improving emotional steadiness:
- Embrace discomfort: allowing the feeling to move through you without judging or trying to change it
- Practice responding instead of reacting: learn your internal triggers through self-discovery and exploring your pain slowly
- Understand uncertainty: the only certainty is uncertainty; recognizing control is an illusion
- Talk less and feel more: ground yourself in your surroundings finding contentment in the smaller things
- Build resilience in the unknown: stay present in the day focused on efforts that move life forward
Improving emotional steadiness assists in regulating our nervous system thereby reducing suffering. Hyperarousal is lessened improving our ability to connect to life on a deeper level.
Curiosity, creativity, compassion, and empathy improve as we exist in our bodies without fear of falling apart.
The body is our greatest messenger as our minds can take us down paths that are often unhelpful leading to unnecessary suffering.
Do you listen to your body in a compassionate way or are you off to the doctor with any sign of disease or illness feeling reactive and scared?
Slow down and begin to know your body; caring for and listening to your body will serve you well. Valuable information is within you.
Your body demands care; choose your hard.
5 principles for improving body awareness and care:
- Implement a routine body scan: noticing physical sensations throughout your body spending 15 seconds on each body part
- Spend one hour per day moving your body: walking, yoga, swimming, tai chi, weight bearing exercises, resistance training
- Hydrate your body: 8 glasses of water per day; add lemon or fruit for added flavor and nutrients
- Build awareness on foods you are consuming: foods you can identify vs. ultra-processed foods lacking in nutrients
- Prioritize sleep building good sleep hygiene
Human suffering is a condition each one of us will experience over our lifetime to varying degrees and timelines. Discomfort is at the forefront of suffering but is also our ticket to learning and knowing ourselves more deeply and authentically.
We can learn to suffer less when we allow ourselves to feel and acknowledge the truths about our lives.
Be kind to your suffering; allow light and air to penetrate and heal your inner landscape. Give yourself permission to be uncomfortable without needing to isolate or make excuses. Just be.
Until next time…be well!
Heather Carrillo, LPC